I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
