STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I want to make a zoo with you.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
