so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
