Someone shit on the floor
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
