U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
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