Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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