I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
