I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
