Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Randomize
