I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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