Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He shit in the fireplace
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
