Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
