i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
