god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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