hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
