You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
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He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
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Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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