You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
