He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
