somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
