No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Randomize
