here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
