You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
