a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I need water and some morals
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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