I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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