so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
