I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
should my penis look like a turkey
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
