There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
