Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
