Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
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You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
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How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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