Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
