i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
