the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize