There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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