he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
