Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
