Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
