Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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