I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
