you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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