seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
