Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
