Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
