summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
