I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
