I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
