You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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