I got chris browned last night
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
