Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
