i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
