Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
