shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
