I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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