i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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