I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
