Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
