just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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