I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
