Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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