GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
