She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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