hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
