I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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