I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you had me at cake vodka
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
