I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Sober January is a disaster.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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