Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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