I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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