I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
