I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
