I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
