I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
