you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
